


What I Need

by Debi_C



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Ascension, M/M, Post Episode: s05e21 Meridian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-01-20
Updated: 2005-01-20
Packaged: 2018-07-29 04:50:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7670773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Debi_C/pseuds/Debi_C
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Response to a challenge to write a story about an  'Invisible Man'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I Need

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Written after watching all of Season 5. Jack is feeling pretty sorry about now. But, Its Science Fiction so no one actually dies.

I felt him again today. I know it's him, cause if it isn't, I need to turn myself in to McKenzie's funny farm. I was walking down the corridor headed to the john when I felt fingers ruffle my hair.

Oh, I know he doesn't have fingers anymore. Just glowy squid thingys. It's a loss. he had beautiful hands, long, strong calloused fingers, chipped nails and all. Beautiful in form and function, and what he could do with those hands could make me lose my mind.

I've felt him before, here and there. When I'm really depressed, he's always showing up as if to comfort me. When I'm drunk, he's there to steady my walk. When I'm sick, he's always there watching over me. When I'm in danger, he's still covering my six.

Yep, call me delusional, but I know it's him. You see, he's not dead. he's gone glow worm on us. Ascended. i saw him go. Up, up and away. Like, like an angel. Uh, no wait. I'm not THAT crazy. I know he was, is, not an angel. He was just human, scars and all. He'd upchuck, defecate, urinate, get drunk on three beers, sneeze on you, drool on your chest and fart in his sleep. He's a guy after all. Not some special creature from fairy tales. He's just an ordinary man.

Well, not quite. He's an ordinary man with enough brain power to open the Stargate, figure out the deal with interplanetary drift and understand 23 languages at the drop of a hat. An ordinary man with eyes as blue as cornflowers, hair the color of antique gold, the body of Michaelangelo's David and the face of a Raphael painting. And he was mine, and I lost him. No, not quite. I threw him away. What does that say about me? That i am one seriously stupid, fucked-up son-of-a-bitch.

Yep, i had him in my life, my arms and my bed and I threw him away. Why? Cause it hurt my male image that l loved a man. Cause he hurt my pride by proving me wrong. Cause he didn't agree with me and say 'Yes, sir. Colonel O'Neill sir, every fucking time.'

Stupid mother-fucker, that's me. I thought that by driving him away i could save myself. Oh, yeah, l drove him away all right. I drove him to separate himself from me and the team, and to dive in a room full of radiation that would kill anything. I drove him to lie suffering and dying the death of a martyr.

But for once the cosmic forces came together for him. Oma, her glowyness, came riding in on her Good Witch of the West broomstick to the rescue. She ascended him. She did what I couldn't do. She saved his life after I threw it away like an empty beer bottle.

Then, I began to notice, little minor miracles started to happen. A gust of air, a stroke of a finger, a brush of lips, a slight bump of contact, and even a mist when l'm on the roof of my house with my telescope. Nothing concrete, nothing that I could prove, just a feeling that l wasn't alone. Things began to make a little more sense to me, though I don't know why he bothered.

When I was betrayed by Kanan and captured by Baal, I even saw him for a bit. He came and stayed with me, kept me alive, kept me sane.

When Teal'c was dying, trying to save Braytac, he came again in his friend's dreams. Teal'c told me later that if Danny hadn't come, he would have given up and died. But he stayed with him, encouraging him, helping him, like he had me.

l don't know if he showed himself to Carter. She's never said. I'll never ask. It would be too personal to pry like that, but if he didn't appear to her it doesn't mean that he wouldn't have. It just means he didn't need too, cause he would have. I know he would.

So, yeah, I have an invisible friend. A very special, very important, very loved invisible friend. I can feel him close when I need him and sometimes, I think, when he needs me.

I swear to God Almighty, if I ever get a chance to get him back even for a minute, I'm gonna tell him that he's very important to me. I never meant for him to get hurt or to hurt him. I'm gonna tell him that I love him and I need him back. I'm gonna say that I was stupid and mean and I promise to do right by him. I'm gonna ask him to stay. Cause, you see, I don't need an invisible man as a friend. I need a solid, smart, snarky, archaeologist who speaks more languages than the law should allow. I need someone to challenge me, someone to argue with me and someone who will kick my ass when I'm wrong.

I need Daniel.


End file.
